Common objection 10: I’m good at something else

[This post is part of a series on internal objections and blocks and how to overcome them. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Objection This objection sounds so weird when you say it abstractly you can't imagine people succumbing to it. When they say it less abstractly you can understand why it holds people back, but also that they should be able to get past it. In the abstract: I excel in another area so I can't in this…

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Common objection 9: I’m too busy. I have other priorities.

[This post is part of a series on internal objections and blocks and how to overcome them. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Objection Some people want to take on new projects or change something in their lives but they have too many other things. I'm too busy. I have too many other priorities. For this obstacle, I'll mention that your other priorities may be more important. Only you know. Example Examples are too numerous to mention. We all…

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Common objection 8: But it’s embarrassing or it makes me anxious

[This post is part of a series on internal objections and blocks and how to overcome them. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Objection Yesterday I posted how fear of feeling fake after changing holds people back. Today I'll note how some people don't start because they feel embarrassed or anxious now. But I'm embarrassed! I'm too nervous to even think about it! Many people prefer not to think about problem areas of their lives. Example The big one…

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Common objection 7: I’ll feel fake

[This post is part of a series on internal objections and blocks and how to overcome them. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Objection People worry that changing themselves will make themselves fake. It won't be the "real" them. My new beliefs will be fake. It won't be the real me. I'll be acting. Example As a coach I hear this all the time when someone changes even small things about themselves. People may feel fake from wearing different…

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Common objection 6: That’s just the way it is

[This post is part of a series on internal objections and blocks and how to overcome them. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Objection People think some things can't change. They say It's a fact. That's just the way it is. You have to accept that some things are just that way. Examples Bureaucrats consistently tell me how their process works, saying I can't do it any other way. They probably tell you the same thing. (I hope you,…

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Common objection 5: I have to take care of “real world” issues first

[This post is part of a series on internal objections and blocks and how to overcome them. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Objection People often say things like I have to take care of “real-world” issues like earning money first. or their bosses, parents, or teachers say things like You have to take care of "real-world" issues first, like getting a job or paying your bills. or they believe things other than “real-world” issues are indulgent. Or they…

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Common objection 4: I don’t know how to do it, I’m too introverted, I’m not smart enough, etc

[This post is part of a series on internal objections and blocks and how to overcome them. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Objection People often complain that the project they want to do requires skills or abilities they don't have: I don't know how to do it. I'm too introverted. I'm not smart enough. Example I hear people claim they can't perform plenty of business and social interactions because they just don't get along with people; they want…

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Common objection 3: I don’t have enough money/time/connections/etc

[This post is part of a series on internal objections and blocks and how to overcome them. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Objection People usually state this objection as I would do it but I don't have enough money. You need connections to do that and I don't have them. I would if only I had time. or some appeal to needing more of something external to them. Tomorrow I'll write about internal obstacles or blocks. Example Would-be…

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Common objection 2: I’m not good at X. I can’t do Y. I’m not a Z person

[This post is part of a series on internal objections and blocks and how to overcome them. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Objection People usually state this objection as a statement like these. I'm just not a leader. Leaders are born, not made and I wasn't born a leader. I've tried losing weight a million times. I'm just not a gym person. I'm no good at math. Example Too many to list. The above statements suggest a few.…

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Common objection 1: I want to understand the root of the problem before solving it

[This post is part of a series on internal objections and blocks and how to overcome them. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Objection People usually state this objection with something like I want to understand the problem before acting. I want to get at the root first. If I don't, it will just happen again. You can also call this objection Analysis Paralysis since it leads people to analyze over acting. Again, some problems require analysis, but I…

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How to view objections and blocks as advantages

[This post is part of a series on internal objections and blocks and how to overcome them. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Yesterday introduced obstacles and blocks as inevitable parts of leadership and personal development. It also suggested you can see them as advantages, or at least solving them as advantages. How do you train yourself to see problems as advantages? That's like the solution to all your problems, right? Once problems become fun, or at least rewarding…

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Overcoming objections and blocks in leadership and personal development: The overarching principles

[This post is part of a series on internal objections and blocks and how to overcome them. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Whether you want to lead or motivate others or yourself, deciding to lead means you will face objections and blocks. Whether from members of your team or from your anxieties and fears, objections and blocks are similar, as are their solutions. For the next week or so, I'll cover a range of objections, blocks, and various…

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How to make yourself more confident

Is there anything you do that wouldn't benefit from having more confidence? Even if showing confidence doesn't make a difference, at least having the option to show it helps. Have you noticed that people with more confidence can't do that much more than people without it? They can't lift heavier weights or solve more difficult problems. The guy at the gym who lifts the heaviest weights probably isn't the most confident person there. Alternatively, you can lift weights all you want -- that alone won't make you more confident. So what does? A friend just wrote me that she didn't…

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You’re always emotional, not only when you’re angry or excited

People often look at someone acting with intense emotions -- like when they're excited, angry, enraged, passionate, etc -- and say that they are "emotional" at times like that. They misunderstand emotions. Understanding emotions is one of the most important parts of self-awareness and therefore leadership of yourself and others. Emotions motivate you. As long as you're awake you feel motivation. Everyone is always emotional all the time. Calmness is an emotion. Just because you aren't running around yelling or losing control doesn't mean you aren't feeling emotions. You could just as well call someone serenely under control and relaxing…

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Social challenges can be harder than technical

When I was younger and studied physics when I thought of the Egyptian pyramids I would wonder at how they overcame the engineering challenges -- how did they get the big rocks to the top, how did they measure the angles accurately enough, and so on. As I got older, worked in larger teams with more intricate teamwork, and led teams my sense of marvel shifted from overcoming engineering challenges to overcoming social challenges. Learning leadership and management while getting the MBA illuminated the challenges on the social side too. The engineering challenges, while big, I imagine I could solve…

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Know your self-talk, lead others

The past few posts talked about using self-talk to lead yourself. Today I'll mention a few things about leading others by influencing their self-talk. To me, influencing someone's self-talk feels easier than changing their beliefs, but the effect is roughly the same. Trying to change other people's beliefs sounds hard, especially if you can't change your own beliefs. It's easier when you realize some simple things about how others have influenced your beliefs. I'll keep it brief because I haven't studied it much, though I remember hearing from friends about it in a class I didn't take in business school…

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Know your self-talk, know yourself, part 2

Knowing your self-talk lets you change how you perceive and influence your world more than almost anything. That knowledge helps you understand and influence how your team members, peers, bosses, and so on perceive their worlds. It's a powerful lever. Your beliefs affect how you perceive your world. Everything you observe gets filtered through your beliefs. If you think Bob is a jerk, you will filter everything you see about him through your beliefs. If you believe you can't do something, like you have a dead-end job and can't do anything about it, or you're no good at meeting people,…

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You can connect with anyone

I had a leadership class at Columbia with a famous professor. He wrote a bestselling book after working as a high-level executive at one of the world's most valuable companies. His class at Columbia was among the school's most popular ones. People knew he taught well and cared about his students but he could be intimidating. You knew to do the work and never slack. Once I spoke to him after class. Since I had kept up with all the readings -- mostly his book -- and participated in class I figured I was in good shape. I just wanted…

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You show me the best leader in a room and I’ll show you the one who works the hardest

Today's post is simple. You show me the best leader in a room and I'll show you the one who works the hardest. Leadership comes from hard work and preparation. You don't just get up and give the "I have a dream" speech. You develop skills and experience over a decade or so. Then you probably don't look forward to giving the speech so much as feel you have to because no one else can. You don't just write the Declaration of Independence. You develop skills and experience over decades, then find yourself in a position where a job needs…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: Review

I'm sure I'll continue it with other thoughts soon, but for now I'm wrapping up the series on highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students with a review of the major point from it, particularly on 360-degree feedback reports. First, I commend Columbia for offering coaching to all MBA candidates. When I went there we got the reports and reviewed them overall in class but didn't get personalized coaching. Giving them coaching adds tremendously to understanding the feedback process, how to read the reports, and how to use them to improve their leadership skills. Especially for students who don't choose…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: Shortcomings of 360-degree feedback reports

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] In the context of the lessons from coaching Columbia Business School students in leadership, I've mostly written about the value of 360-degree feedback processes and reports and how to use them. Their shortcomings, costs, and problems are mostly obvious, but I'll cover them anyway since I've covered so much about them. I'll include ones that don't apply…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: Weaknesses are often strengths misapplied

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Today I'll cover one of the most encouraging perspectives for many students and clients whose reports show they underperform in a few areas. For example, this student's ability to influence appears low (see my earlier post on these charts can help you understand them) ... in both perspectives ... Anybody would say this chart says this person…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: foreseeing challenges

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Learning leadership and developing leadership skills isn't like learning history or any other academic subject. Learning leadership and developing leadership skills means learning about yourself and other people, understanding your and their motivations, changing how you view the world, for starters. Well, you can learn to lead without those things, but you'll limit yourself without them. While…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: Focus on the client

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Effective coaching means focusing on the client's interests and progress, not the coach's. I like working with clients, especially students where I used to go to school, so it's easy to think about my interests. But I know that in the long term, a client telling me they got out of our interaction everything they wanted and…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: Use Feedforward

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] If I talk about coaching, especially in limited times with very talented people, I have to talk about Feedforward. I refer to my previous post on it for a thorough description of it. It's one of the best tools for finding out what about yourself to improve and how. If you don't have access to a 360-degree…

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