Failure is how you feel about your results

I simplify complex or mysterious terms to make them easy to understand and act on. The professional and personal development fields seem to prefer click-bait titles---what sells over what works. Talk about failure and success is filled with clichés ("It's the journey, not the destination," "everything happens for a reason") and grandstanding ("fail early and often," "I failed many times before succeeding") that I haven't found helpful for someone facing a challenge and fearing failing. Successful people tend to say they failed on the way to success and now welcome failure, or even look forward to it, but what they…

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“To convince” means “to provoke debate” and rarely works

Talk about leading people and a lot of people will talk to you about convincing people as a way of leading them. I recommend against this strategy. Convincing someone implies logically debating. Changing someone's behavior means changing their motivations, which means changing their emotions. Logical argument evokes emotions of debate. Convincing motivates people to disagree. They also feel like you're trying to impose your values on them. If you disagree with me right now, your own emotional reaction is illustrating the point! In other words: I will convince you that trying to convince people provokes disagreement. Either you agree with…

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The great masters of speaking with authentic voices

Following up yesterday's post's exercise for how to speak authentically, I wanted to give a couple more examples illustrating mastery of speaking authentically. People who speak authentically can say things others can't, meaning they have more freedom. We respect them not for their technical mastery of some craft but that they speak without that. A great master today is Charles Barkley, whom I wrote about the other day. He's famous for speaking about race, sex, class, and other topics many people lose their jobs for, yet people don't condemn him. They recognize he's sharing something about himself, not imposing his…

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How to win over a stadium of 20,000 angry African soccer fans

"You! You cannot do that here!" A voice in a stadium of 20,000 people told my friend he was breaking a rule. The man yelling pointed at my friend and sounded angry. A man next to the first saw what he was pointing at---my friend---and pointed and yelled he couldn't do that here too. Then another, another, and another. Soon a whole section was pointing at him, angrily yelling at him he couldn't do what he was doing. But what was he doing? My friend didn't understand what was going on. He and two of his friends had decided to…

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Audio interview: sales lessons from a great failure

Spectacular failures teach us our most valuable lessons. In this interview, I talk about my first, and most painful, sales failure growth experience. I wanted to crawl under a rock and die, but the meeting crept on. Afterward I didn't want to continue in business, let alone do any sales. The word I was looking for at 2:38 was condescension, by the way. My business partner's perspective -- that you win some and you lose some; we didn't win this one but the next would be better -- changed my life for the better as one of the major steps…

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How to tell if someone is good at something

Two observations I've made about how good people are at things: People who aren't good at something talk about how awesome they are at it. People who are great at something talk about the humiliations and failures that got them good at it. I've found this pattern far more accurate than I would have expected. I love hearing stories from people about the disasters that made them who they are. That's how I know they're good at the thing at hand. They've gotten over their insecurity through experience and aren't afraid to share. People who are afraid to share tend…

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