Learn and practice one of the most effective leadership techniques in person — September 30 in Manhattan

Want to learn and practice one of the most effective leadership techniques? Then join me for a workshop, Wednesday, September 30th at 6:30pm in midtown, and get a copy of the #1 bestselling leadership book included! From the announcement from the Columbia Business School Alumni Club (everyone is welcome): The Workshop Committee of the Columbia Business School Alumni Club invites you to a workshop on Marshall Goldsmith's FEEDFORWARD hosted by Joshua Spodek, PhD MBA '06 including a copy of his #1 New York Times and Wall Street Journal bestseller TRIGGERS with admission Click here to purchase tickets. The Economist named…

Continue ReadingLearn and practice one of the most effective leadership techniques in person — September 30 in Manhattan

Non-judgmental Ethics Sunday: Handling a Racist Remark in the Workplace

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one’s actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today’s post, “Handling a Racist Remark in the Workplace." I represent a real-estate developer in Florida. Recently an employee of one of the developer’s commercial tenants confided to me that he overheard an administrator at his company tell another employee that she had just read a book called ‘‘The Protocols of the Elders of Zion’’ and thought it contained excellent points. The person with whom she was speaking, a…

Continue ReadingNon-judgmental Ethics Sunday: Handling a Racist Remark in the Workplace

Non-judgmental Ethics Sunday: Is It Wrong If a Friend Sells My Hand-Me-Downs?

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one’s actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today’s post, “Is It Wrong If a Friend Sells My Hand-Me-Downs?" I have two small children and am frequently divesting our household of toys, clothes and other child supplies. I sell the larger items, but I typically give the smaller items away to a neighborhood parent or leave them in a box in front of my house to be taken for free. A friend on my block recently…

Continue ReadingNon-judgmental Ethics Sunday: Is It Wrong If a Friend Sells My Hand-Me-Downs?

An experiment in delegating authority: Having students grade themselves

Last semester I experimented with giving students the responsibility of grading themselves. I think it went well enough that I plan to do it again next time, though I plan to refine the process based on what I learned. Motivation The idea resulted from a talk by Barry Salzberg, the global CEO at Deloitte, to Columbia Business School's alumni club. He talked about a challenge that since became part of his legacy at the firm. The challenge was to create standards for all Deloitte's member firms. Member firms operated independently before joining the Deloitte firm, after which they had to…

Continue ReadingAn experiment in delegating authority: Having students grade themselves

What do you think when someone acts not how you want

How do you think when someone acts unexpectedly, especially a way you don't like. That result is usually the opposite of leadership, where you want people behaving the way you lead them. I used to think something like They did something wrong. Why would they do that?!? What's their problem? I know how to do this right. I have to change them. What should I do to get them to behave how I want? I still think that way sometimes, I guess out of habit more than effectiveness because I don't find it effective at influencing people to follow my…

Continue ReadingWhat do you think when someone acts not how you want

Malcolm X speaking

This year for Martin Luther King day I listened to two recordings of Malcolm X speaking, posted by WNYC in "Remembering Malcolm X: Rare Interviews and Audio." I recommend listening. People accuse him of racism and inciting violence, but to hear him speak and to hear people who knew him speak about him, it's hard not to feel those critics missed the essence of what he said, and that they neglected to criticize the people and institutions he criticized, which were, and remain, racist and violent. He spoke so clearly and plainly about subjects so few people do, I can't…

Continue ReadingMalcolm X speaking

Why feeling understood feels so good and feeling misunderstood feels so bad

I've posted a lot about the effectiveness of making people feel understood to leading them. It increases your ability to influence them and makes them feel good. It also resolves a lot of arguments. Why does it feeling understood feel so good? Sometimes I describe it in seminars as close to feeling loved and no one has objected. Why does feeling misunderstood feel so bad? I've joked in seminars how if you want to break up with someone but can't bring yourself to do it, you only have to intentionally misunderstand them. Do it consistently for long enough and they'll…

Continue ReadingWhy feeling understood feels so good and feeling misunderstood feels so bad

The Model: the series

[EDIT: I covered this series in more depth in Leadership Step by Step, so I recommend the book, but the core is here. I use The Model as a part of my life, basically daily.] Here is The Model---my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development---in series form. Click in the table of contents to the left for each page. I find this Model the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. Why? A model's value comes not from its accuracy but…

Continue ReadingThe Model: the series

How you feel when you feel misunderstood

Want to know how people feel when you lead poorly? Think of a time when you've felt misunderstood. Not making people feel understood undermines your ability to lead them. Try pausing for a minute to remember a time someone you cared about didn't understand you. How did it feel? Do you want people you lead feeling that way toward you? As for me, it makes me feel Frustrated Futility that there's no point in trying to communicate with this person. If they don't understand me on this important thing, they won't understand me on anything less important Angry, especially if…

Continue ReadingHow you feel when you feel misunderstood

Non-judgmental Ethics Sunday: Why Can’t I Clean My Boyfriend’s House for Pay?

Continuing my series on responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicist, looking at the consequences of one’s actions instead of imposing values on them, here is a take on an earlier post,”Why Can’t I Clean My Boyfriend’s House for Pay?" About a year ago, I moved into my boyfriend’s house in a new city. I’m renting out my old house for income as I look for work. I pay my partner $100 each month to cover my utility expenses. He pays his cleaning person $160 a month to clean the house twice a month. I am not convinced…

Continue ReadingNon-judgmental Ethics Sunday: Why Can’t I Clean My Boyfriend’s House for Pay?

Non-judgmental Ethics Sunday: Tourist Retractions

Continuing my series on responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicist, looking at the consequences of one’s actions instead of imposing values on them, here is a take on an earlier post,"Tourist Retractions." I recently spent several days at a relatively expensive hotel. The place was deplorable and unsanitary, with an unresponsive front desk. I gave it a poor write-up on TripAdvisor.com, the travel website, titling my review “An Overpriced Dung Heap.” The following day, the owner contacted me through the site with an offer to refund almost half the cost of my stay if I would retract…

Continue ReadingNon-judgmental Ethics Sunday: Tourist Retractions

How to promote yourself without bragging or leaving information out

How do you promote yourself for a promotion? When you want a role on a project, how do you suggest you'd be great for the role? Promote too much and you risk sounding insecure, presumptuous, inauthentic, or like you're bragging. Promote too little and you risk not getting the role. Talking with one of my clients yesterday, when I described how I successfully promoted myself to a recent project, she made me stop and repeat myself so she could take down the words for future use. As I wrote in "The value of low-level instruction," I consider low-level instruction most…

Continue ReadingHow to promote yourself without bragging or leaving information out

Handling leadership issues when you don’t have authority, follow-up

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about a group I'm in with a leadership vacuum, "How to handle leadership issues when you don’t have authority." Several people in that group wrote with appreciation for the message in that post. None wrote to say they had problems with it, though the person with authority did push back slightly. Then after an anonymous comment from an attendee of one of my seminars pointed out nearly all my examples of inspirational speeches came from men, I researched tons of speeches by women. One of them turned out related to my group's leadership vacuum,…

Continue ReadingHandling leadership issues when you don’t have authority, follow-up

Myers-Briggs doesn’t help you, it helps your manager, if anyone

I don't like Myers-Briggs tests. People make them look scientific and use scientific wording but they aren't based in science. They don't promote self-reflection any more than a horoscope. Most of all, they imply that you don't change much, a belief that discourages personal growth and exploring and using different skills for different situations. People who believe in Myers-Briggs tests say things like, "I'm an ESTJ [or whatever], so I act like [how Myers-Briggs says they're supposed to act] and work well with [whomever Myers-Briggs says they're supposed to work well with], but not [whomever Myers-Briggs says they're not supposed…

Continue ReadingMyers-Briggs doesn’t help you, it helps your manager, if anyone

How to handle leadership issues when you don’t have authority

What do you do when you see ineffective or counterproductive leadership of a group you're in and you're not one of the leaders? Do you just let it happen? Do you act? Do you talk to the leader? Usually I don't step in if I'm not in a position of authority and no one asked me to act. Rarely I step in. In 2008, I spoke up on a mailing list for Columbia Business School's alumni club when things seemed polarized, divisive, and moving toward desperate actions, which I posted here. The administration emailed me to thank me for that…

Continue ReadingHow to handle leadership issues when you don’t have authority

The Method: the series

[EDIT: I covered this series in more depth in Leadership Step by Step, so I recommend the book, but the core is here. I use this technique as a part of my life, basically daily.] Here is The Method on how to use The Model---my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development---in series form. I find the Model and Method the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. The Model tells you how we work. The Method shows you how to…

Continue ReadingThe Method: the series

I have low standards the first time

This post on doing things you love even if you're not good at it prompted discussion -- or at least people asking me about doing things that feel scary or are hard. For most people, the challenges are internal. Most people aren't risking health and safety doing something like climbing Everest -- they're thinking of trying out for that senior position, singing karaoke, going to a gym for the first time, or asking that guy or girl out. Their risking losing social standing -- aka embarrassing themselves. Why people don't try new things Their biggest fears are based on beliefs…

Continue ReadingI have low standards the first time

On vengeance

A few thoughts from when I heard last night that U.S. soldiers killed Osama bin Laden. This passage of the Tao Te Ching resonated most with me: Weapons are the tools of violence; all decent men detest them. Weapons are the tools of fear; a decent man will avoid them except in the direst necessity and, if compelled, will use them only with the utmost restraint. Peace is his highest value. If the peace has been shattered, how can he be content? His enemies are not demons, but human beings like himself. He doesn't wish them personal harm. Nor does…

Continue ReadingOn vengeance