Hard projects will be harder than you expect. How to prepare.

[This post is part of a series on empathy gaps. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] A second post from the book Willpower... Leading yourself and others requires foreseeing that doing something hard feels harder, longer, more frustrating, and so on than you expect. At the beginning you say, "I'm strong, diligent, and capable. I'll power through no matter what comes my way." Intellectually anticipating it will be hard doesn't and can't prepare you for the emotional motivation to…

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A solution to all ethics problems

During orientation I learned one of business school's most valuable lessons. I learned the first step in resolving all ethics problems. Orientation included a case study on ethics. The case involved a guy who witnessed someone else breaking a rule at a company. If he told on the employee he would escalate the problem, possibly identifying himself as not a team player, no matter how justified his actions. Remaining silent would make him complicit, and who knew how many other rules the person he observed might be breaking? The details were relevant to the case, but keeping things at a high…

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Does greatness require letting go of your safety net?

I've struggled with some questions for a while. What enables greatness? Do you need to let go of your safety net to become great? We all know stories of people who sacrificed everything sensible to reach greatness. They sold all their possessions and went to Hollywood. They practiced day and night for years, sacrificing fun times. They gave up on promising careers to reach their dreams. If you jump a motorcycle over the Grand Canyon, you don't want to wind up short of the landing ramp. But if you love jumping far and you don't try to jump as far…

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Josh’s growing list of differences with mainstream American culture

I've noticed many of my values differ from what I see in mainstream American culture. See how yours differ too. What I call mainstream may differ from what you call mainstream and at times I deliberately overstate the mainstream American view to parody it. Category "Mainstream" American view (oversimplified) Josh's view (oversimplified) Jobs Horrible way to waste your time. A necessary evil we have to endure. A source of challenges to overcome and people to collaborate with. Exercise Torture. You inflict it on yourself for a few weeks after New Years, then forget about it. Fun way to pass times…

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The Method: exercise to transform yourself

This exercise transforms your life. It has you do the first three steps of the Method, prepares you for the fourth, and sets up accountability with others for step 4. Accountability is how things get done, so it can help a lot. I do this exercise halfway through my seminar. People get deeply into it, even after sitting in a room for five or six hours. When we review the exercise people sometimes tell me it gave them their first experience ever sharing some problems, then finding themselves surprised to find simple solutions to them. Requirements (or good-to-haves) You can…

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The Method: exercise in new beliefs

The Method's steps 2 and 3 have you conceive of new emotions, environments, beliefs, and behaviors for emotional cycles you want to change. The challenge How do you pick the new beliefs to crowd out the old ones? Choosing the opposite to existing beliefs rarely helps. You end up debating yourself in your head. Discussion I find complements to beliefs crowd out existing ones more effectively. For example, I found an effective alternative to rising anger is not to try to be calm, but to be curious about the situation causing the anger. The curiosity crowds out the anger and…

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The Method: exercise in knowing yourself

Many people feel they can't change themselves or that doing so is fake. Here is a quick exercise to show you how easily you can change yourself because you do it already. Step 1 First answer the question "Who are you?" by describing yourself with three or four adjectives. I know you're just reading a web page, but if you have pen and paper or can open a window on your computer to write in, write a few adjectives that describe you before going to the next step. No one will hold you to them, so you don't have to…

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The Method: improving your life as much as you want is all based on one cycle

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] As the Tao Te Ching says, A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Yesterday's post described…

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The Method: illustration of implementation stages

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Here is an illustration of the implementation stages of step 4 of the Method. Overview Transition (also a caveat)…

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The Method from another perspective

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Recalling the illustration of the Method from a couple posts ago, I present the Method as a four-step cycle…

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The Method: implementation stage 1: a caveat

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] I should note a caveat for the transition stage. Since this stage involves conflict, feeling fake, and overcoming inertia,…

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The Method: implementation stage 3: regular life

Eventually a transformation’s new environments, beliefs, and behaviors synchronize completely with each other. The cycle you changed brings the emotions you want and reward. At this stage this cycle becomes a part of your regular life, a life now more rewarding for the change. You haven’t replaced the old you. In circumstances where the new you fits you crowd out the old part of you. In situations where the old you belongs, the old you comes out. In my life, for example, by the time I was a full-time CEO of the company I co-founded, I no longer identified primarily…

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The Method: implementation stage 2: support

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Once the elements of a transformation start supporting each other the transformation starts to feel like it will take…

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The Method: implementation stage 1: transition

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] You can usually do the preparation stages of transforming a part of your life easily since you can do…

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The Method: implementation overview

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] We've covered the preparation stages of transforming a part of your life to bring more reward by choosing environments,…

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The Method: summary of one cycle (with diagram)

We’ve now covered the examples and preparation stages of how to implement the Method. Here is a diagram summarizing these steps Know your emotional system Understand your relevant emotional cycles and constraints Conceive of new emotions Conceive of new environments, beliefs, and behaviors Implement the environments, beliefs, and behaviors

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The Method, step 4: Implement the environments, beliefs, and behaviors

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Now, with direction, boundaries, and goals set from steps 0, 1, 2, and 3 it's time to act. You…

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The Method, step 3: conceive of new environments, beliefs, and behaviors

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Now, with direction and boundaries set from steps 0, 1, and 2, we plan what we will do. Step…

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The Method, step 2: conceive of new emotions

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Step 2, the Method's first active step, is to pick your direction, the key word being your. You will…

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The Method: steps 0 and 1, awareness

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] The Method's first two steps -- knowing your emotional system and understanding your current emotional cycles -- involve little…

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The Method, step 1: understand your current emotional cycles

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] The Method's zeroth step was a once-per-lifetime step. Once you understand your emotional cycle once, you can remember it…

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The Method, step 0: know your emotional system

[This post is part of a series on The Method to use The Model -- my model for the human emotional system designed for use in leadership, self-awareness, and general purpose professional and personal development -- which I find the most effective and valuable foundation for understanding yourself and others and improving your life. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Today’s post will be brief. The Method’s zeroth step is to know your emotional system. I call it step…

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The Method, step by step

This post is better covered by the series on The Method, where you'll get more value than reading just this post. Please click there instead. (I'm keeping the rest of this post for posterity). This post begins describing the Method, which is how to use the Model to lead yourself and others and to improve your life, in particular, using the elements you have voluntary control over. The Method, step by step Before anything else, the Method begins with you knowing your emotional system -- the foundation of self-awareness and emotional intelligence. You only have to learn it once in…

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Srikumar Rao’s talk follow-up: deep discounts on January’s class

To follow up the talk I organized for Srikumar Rao, Srikumar's business manager offered deep discounts (almost half price) for members of the Columbia Business School alumni club (anyone can join, whether they went there or not) to take the New York session of his course, Creativity and Personal Mastery (CPM). Having taken it about four years ago, I recommend the course without reservation. Click here for a pdf with more information on dates, logistics, costs, and an overview. Quoting from the brochure: Dates are as follows for the New York Spring 2012 CPM Class Session #1: January 27th, 28th…

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The Method: three exercises to transform your life, part 3

The third exercise comes in two parts also. First you think of emotions you'd prefer to the ones listed in the previous exercise. Second you think of environments, beliefs, and behaviors to create those emotions. You think of the emotions first because they are the roots of your values and what creates meaning and purpose. By listing what you can't or won't do in the previous exercise, you assure yourself you won't do anything you consider wrong or don't want to. By starting with your emotions, you know you'll be doing things consistent with your values, meaning, and purpose. The…

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