Why people like Donald Trump

One of the exercises my leadership students like most is the Authentic Voice exercise. I've written about it at least four times here, including examples from great masters of speaking in their authentic voice, like Muhammad Ali and Robin Williams. Communications skills exercises, part 10: Your Authentic Voice Your authentic voice The great masters of speaking with authentic voices Communications skills exercises, part 10b: another example of voicing your self-talk Most students in my full course are scared of the exercise before doing it but emerge transformed after a week of practicing it. They find it easier and more natural…

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Two thousand posts!

You are reading my two-thousandth blog post. Here's the list of all of them. I've posted daily since January 2011, plus twice daily around my North Korea trips since that content seemed different. Why? I write for two main reasons, one related to content, the other to process. The content reason is that writing helps me develop thoughts and ideas. When I started I thought I'd run out of ideas. Soon after, I found myself coming up with new ideas faster than I could write them. Many readers tell me they find things here they don't find anywhere else. I…

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What about Tiger Woods? Why was he pilloried?

After writing about bad boys, success, and discipline yesterday, you might ask, "What about Tiger Woods? Why was he pilloried? He is full of discipline. Why didn't society accept of him something many successful athletes do?" I'm no expert on public relations, but I see two main issues. First, the lesser issue. He doesn't have a bad boy reputation. His is clean cut and respectful, or looks that way to me. Charles Barkley throwing a guy through a bar window fits within his image as a physical player. By the time he did it, he had already done many similar…

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Lessons in leadership from Frances Hesselbein, part 2

Frances invited me to her office. The first day I went, I approached the front desk. The security guy was friendly. As he processed my ID he said, "Oh yeah, Frances gets big visitors. Sometimes Generals come in. Four stars, ones from TV. They all have to wait for her." Impressive! Her office is in a big Park Avenue high-rise office building in the 50s. The lobby had fifty-foot ceilings, or something really high, and clear glass walls looking out on Park Avenue. Her executive assistant came down to tell me that there was nothing serious, but Frances had to…

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Want someone to help you more? Show appreciation!

I did someone a favor and didn't get thanked. No big deal. I'm not offended, but I'm not inclined to help them again. I read about leaders who send handwritten notes to people in their teams and the loyalty and dedication such little shows of appreciation create. I've written "how to get a mentor in two easy steps that work." Showing appreciation influences people a lot. It doesn't take much physical work or burn many calories. It takes the mental effort to get into the habit. I don't claim to do it especially well compared to others, but I do…

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SIDCHAs in the wild

After driving a smelly twenty-seven-year-old pick up truck with wobbly steering and a barely functional clutch all night from my cousin's wedding outside Pittsburgh to my friend's networking day-long workshop in Manhattan, one of the session leaders asked the attendees to describe ourselves. I was too tired for small talk. He gave us paper and crayons do illustrate our descriptions. I asked if I could demonstrate instead of illustrate. He liked the idea. So when my turn came to describe myself, I brought everyone into a circle, told them my burpee-starting and SIDCHA stories, and had everyone do a few…

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How to make a phone call with someone you don’t know but want to help you

[This post is part of a series on Communication Skills Exercises for Business and Life. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] I just got off the phone with a client who was preparing for a call with someone important to help her. She was nervous because of his status and not sure how to make the call work. She typically would talk too much about herself, which didn't get the results she wanted of the other person wanting to…

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The progression of performance-based skills

Any performance-based skill development follows a similar pattern. I'll describe it for playing guitar, but it follows for leading, acting, sports, any other musical instrument, singing, etc. The instrument: First you have to learn the instrument. If you don't know its parts and how it's assembled, you can't do anything with it. Your skill: Next you have to learn how to move your fingers. You can't play music until you know scales or chords. The music: Only when you can take for granted how to move your fingers without thinking about them can you play music. Your feelings: Only when…

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Freedom, from speech

You have opinions about race, sex, homosexuality, class, politics, and other controversial topics. You probably only talk about them with people closest to you. Most of us won't touch them with a ten-foot pole, knowing how one public statement can destroy a life. We believe we don't have that freedom. If you don't believe you have it, you can't do it. How about talking about them to the media for twenty years and being loved for it. That's freedom. This article about Charles Barkley described him as Off the court, where he spun quotes and welcomed controversy, Barkley was arguably…

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Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours

[EDIT February 2020: I gathered, edited, and compiled all the posts I listed below into my book ReModel, which I recommend if you prefer a more curated experience with less clicking. Either way, I recommend doing the exercise. It gives a new way of seeing the world that costs nothing and takes little time.] This series covers my doing my Write Your Beliefs exercise, which I've found one of the more valuable self-awareness exercises that my clients, my students, and I have done. It builds on the Inner Monologue exercise, which I also call "The most effective self-awareness exercise I…

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To start a habit, focus on emotions

Different people suggest starting habits different ways. Some say to start with behavior, like setting a New Year's resolution or doing it every day for a month. Others suggest starting by changing your environment, like by putting a note on your computer monitor or daily schedule, wearing a device that measures your exercise, or joining a web page that tracks and reminds you. That's all low-level tactics. Tactics, no matter how effective, don't work if the high-level strategy doesn't work. Effective strategy comes from knowing how the new habit will affect your life. What is its meaning, value, importance, and…

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The value of technique in leadership

An actor told me about a time he forgot his line on Broadway in front of about a thousand people, some who paid hundreds of dollars for their seats. He was in his forties and had acted for decades. Still, sometimes you forget your lines. What do you do when a thousand people are watching you and you don't know what to say? Most of us have faced not knowing what to say or do, though usually only in front of one or two people, which is more than enough to paralyze us with anxiety. Actors know about a technique…

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A reader asks about integrity and self-control

A reader asked, about my post "Three years of burpees," Integrity is a interesting concept. Its the same thing for me, after having developed some strong daily habits, which are different from yours. It has made developing harder habits, much easier. How is integrity different from self-control? Isnt self-control the same as doing something when nobody is watching? The way I think about it is, that developing any habit requires some amount of stress psychologically. Once you develop a small habit (Habit A), the incremental stress to develop a harder habit (Habit B), is the same as the stress I…

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What happens when you develop empathy and compassion skills

Each exercise in my seminars teaches a fundamental, useful leadership skill. Collectively, when you practice them more than a few times, they teach empathy and compassion, two critically important skills if you want people to want you to lead them. With my one-on-one coaching clients I can see their empathy and compassion skills develop over weeks and months. I've noticed patterns. At first people feel odd asking about emotions and passions, especially at work. "Can I use the word passion?," they ask. "Is it appropriate at work? It will feel funny." They ask if using someone's emotions to motivate them…

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Two readers ask about confirming and anchoring in relationships

Two readers asked similar questions about yesterday's post, "Risks in relationships, rock-climbing, and ratcheting," on confirming the status of a relationship and how that's like anchoring yourself while rock climbing. One reader wrote: I like the analogy. Could you give an example of checking in with people and dynamic relationship? Dynamic meaning continuous interaction and keeping in touch? Asking someone how they feel about something is checking in, yes? Another wrote: Especially love this article as it applies to many different kinds of relationships. Interesting how communication and constantly working on "the relationship" is vital for all of them. My only…

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Risks in relationships, rock-climbing, and ratcheting

Imagine rock climbing a vertical cliff. You don't want to get hurt so you use a rope to catch you if you fall. You regularly loop the rope through something attached to the face. I think they call it anchoring, so I'll call it anchoring too. How you anchor affects how you climb. If you just anchored yourself, your rope would effectively be attached right there, so if you let go or lost your grip you wouldn't fall. You're safe, assuming you used effective safety equipment. If you climbed two feet up from that anchor, your rope would be attached…

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Why Are Americans So Fascinated With Extreme Fitness?

I decided to answer the question of this New York Times article "Why Are Americans So Fascinated With Extreme Fitness?". That article describes some fitness, but doesn't answer the question, which deals with motivation and overcoming big challenges, which connect it to leadership. To answer why people would push to get so fit, you have to explain the emotion and motivation behind it. Simply saying it's healthy or makes you strong only extends the question. Partly they do it because of the emotional reward from exhaustion, progressing overcoming challenges, feeling stronger or more capable, approaching an ideal appearance, comparing themselves…

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