Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: For changes to stick, change both beliefs and behavior

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] How do you start to plan? You've figured out a change you want to make in your life. How do you start to plan? You've always done X and now you want to stop it. Or maybe you've never done Y and you want to start. Or you want to do something differently. Coaching sessions with students…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: Assertiveness does not mean aggressive, domineering, or trying to influence

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] As an earlier post in this series mentioned, assertiveness ranks highly as a skill students at Columbia want to develop as part of their leadership training. Most recognize it as an important skill for leadership -- that if they don't assert themselves, instead of leading they'll end up being led by others who assert themselves more. Most…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: Common coaching topics

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] One of the challenges and joys of coaching is that each client is unique. Even similar issues show up in unique ways with each person. The job never gets boring. Still, you see trends, especially among students taking similar courses at similar stages in their lives, often with similar goals. So what do MBA candidates at a…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: Manage Expectations

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Do you ever have an amazing epiphany about a major change you will make in your life, or how you'll do it, and get excited about how awesome doing it will be? This happens a lot in coaching sessions, especially after their first 360-degree review and coaching session. They often have major realizations and make fantastic, far-reaching…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: Use your teammates

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Making change stick means practice and accountability. How do you find people to hold you accountable? The following advice works for everyone, not just business school students. I'll describe how it applies to your life after writing how I tell the students I do lightning coaching with. Leadership requires other people. Every time you work or do…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: Practice!

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] I mean practice in two senses here. The first is the more relevant one for the one-hour lightning coaching sessions -- as a coach, I try to find ways for my client to practice their new behavior during the session, all the more important in a lightning session when they won't have access to their coach again.…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: School protects you so you can try new things

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Business schools and other vocational schools offer students something supremely valuable not everyone realizes. Everyone knows they give you knowledge, credibility, and a network. They also offer you protection from the outside world. You can do risky things in school that you might not do when your pay check or job depends on not messing up. In…

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Get leadership coaching like an Ivy League business school

Do you want to improve your leadership skills? Does this describe you: Highly motivated?Limited time?Want to know top-5 business school culture (or just learn to lead like someone from one)? This series will help you. Columbia Business School provides a service to its students helpful to anyone -- it has each MBA candidate take a 360-degree report and gives each a coach to help interpret the results and create a plan to act on it. I took the program and have been coaching Columbia MBA students through this program for years. Since we have only one hour but the students…

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Get leadership coaching like an Ivy League business school

I compiled a series of posts on experiences and lessons from coaching MBA students at Columbia Business School. Click here to read the series. Meanwhile, here's the introductory text: Do you want to improve your leadership skills? Does this describe you: Highly motivated? Limited time? Want to know top-5 business school culture (or just learn to lead like someone from one)? This series will help you. Columbia Business School provides a service to its students helpful to anyone — it has each MBA candidate take a 360-degree report and gives each a coach to help interpret the results and create…

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Op/Ed Fridays: Our broken criminal justice “system”

I try to look at things from a systems perspective when the perspective applies and helps. We often talk about a criminal justice system. If a system is a set of interacting or interdependent parts forming an integrated whole, parts not forming an integrated whole do not make up a system. Large segments of what we call our criminal justice system increasingly seems a non-system we've mislabeled out of hope or misunderstanding. On the same day I happened to read two articles. The first covered Toronto's Mayor Rob Ford, describing his apparently criminal antics including smoking crack, doing other drugs,…

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Annoyed by people you can’t avoid?

Do you have people you can't avoid that annoy you and want to handle them more effectively? Normally I think of this situation at work, but I'm sure it applies to some people with their families on Thanksgiving. I build on the following two principles and apply them to personal relationships: Great teams are built on strengths. Don't look for blame but take responsibility for improving things to the extent you can. You behave differently in different situations and with different people. So does everyone else. I think of it as everyone having facets -- different faces they show different…

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Some “problems” you want to have

Yesterday I wrote about how leadership creates community, which, if you persevere, leads to living freely and by your values and experiencing deep emotional reward. Your life improves by doing so. It creates effects I can only call problems, but they are problems you want to have because they help you learn and grow even more. The "problem" with knowing how to make your dreams come true -- in making your fantasies reality As you develop your skills in leading others and creating the social worlds you want, you learn that your deepest emotional reward comes from your relationships with…

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Leading people creates community, which feels like creating your world

Remember when I wrote "You can't "create your world” but you can do better"? I've been meaning to expand on this aspect of leading your community. The more you learn to lead, the more you can make your community how you want it. The more you do so, the more your behavior, thoughts, and beliefs take on two properties. You behave, think, and believe more freely and more by your values. Sounds great, doesn't it? Who doesn't want to live more freely and by their values? Funny that more people don't do it, often scared to start the process. Since…

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More in favor of consequences of actions undermining being judgmental

People talk about things being right, wrong, good, or bad as if these properties had absolute or objective standards. They don't and it matters to leaders and anyone else trying to influence someone with different values. If you want to motivate someone you disagree with and you call them wrong or bad, you can bet they don't consider themselves wrong or bad. They consider themselves right and good. Your suggesting otherwise will undermine your credibility with them, no matter how good and right you feel. Without credibility, you lose your ability to motivate them. Today I'd like to undermine the…

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Coaching works.

I've been coaching clients one-on-one for a few years, as readers have noted from my references to clients. I've coached nearly a hundred clients by now, most of whom found me through word of mouth. I added a new coaching page to this site to help people find coaching with me. Why? My clients succeed. That’s why I love coaching. You can achieve more too. Because coaching works. I have a coach who helps me Identify my priorities Tell me how I look from an outside perspective (the one person you can't see from another person's perspective is yourself, the…

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The route to quality is through quantity

I read a story with a lesson for anyone who creates anything too helpful not to copy. As much as I didn't want to copy something you can find elsewhere, I couldn't stop myself. I hadn't read it before so I hope it's new to you. It's from a book called Art and Fear on creating art, but you'll find it useful for creating anything -- products, beliefs, rules to live by, ways to motivate yourself and others, or whatever. Enjoy: The ceramics teacher announced on opening day that he was dividing the class into two groups. All those on…

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A risk that paid off and learning from it

Here's an anecdote from a woman named Elle Luna: I was using Uber all the time in San Francisco, even though I hated the design. And then I went to the Crunchies awards ceremony and at a post-ceremony event, where I was in a ball gown, I saw the CEO of Uber, Travis Kalanick, sitting at the bar. I was three whiskeys deep at this point and I walked up to him and said, “I use Uber all the time and I absolutely hate the app. I think you should bring me in to fix it.” He replied, “Oh, yeah?…

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Method acting, leadership, and improving your life, from James Lipton

I've written before about the television show Inside the Actors Studio and how much the young field of leadership training could stand to learn from the longstanding field of acting training. Below is an interview of the host of Inside the Actors Studio, James Lipton, describing the transformation acting training went through with Constantine Stanislavsky. Leadership training stands to benefit from similar changes, and that field inspires me to help those changes. As he described it, about a century ago acting replaced impressing others with expressing yourself, the goal of perfection with authenticity, self-reference and self-reverence with a system of…

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Integrity in successful leaders: Gandhi cleaned toilets

This post is about integrity and sticking with your values. A few years ago I visited my father in Ahmedabad, India, the country he has studied his professional life. We visited Gandhi's ashram, a community where people who wanted to learn about and support him went. It still exists, though mainly as a static, historical site. It's a humble place on the banks of a river, humbler than you'd expect one of the great historical world leaders to live.  A sign there (sorry no picture) stated clearly that part of everyone's duties was cleaning the toilets, meaning scrubbing the buckets…

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How to lower executive pay

The New Yorker this week has yet another article on executive pay, how high it is, how it continues to grow, and how attempts to slow it aren't working. Everybody knows the situation. We've read tons of such articles. We know executive pay is high enough that it isn't getting what shareholders are paying for, but no one can stop its growth. Want to lower executive pay? Basic economics and negotiation tell us all we need to know. Basic economics: supply and demand A CEO's wages have a price in a market. What sets prices in a market? Unless you…

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You tell me what you do best. I’ll tell you what you do worst.

Today I'll cover an exercise I do in my seminar and when I address a group of professionals. You can do it while reading this post. It teaches you about Yourself Self-awareness Teamwork, especially team building I can cover it in a few minutes or can use it to discuss teamwork, self-awareness, and my experience for thirty-minutes or more. Introduction I start by telling the group "I'm going to ask you to tell me what you do best. Then I will tell you what you do worst." I say it provocatively to get a response and set expectations high. A…

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A book I haven’t finished and why I recommend it

I first met Sebastian Marshall about five years ago in New York City through mutual friends. Though he was just over half my age at the time, I don't hesitate to say I've learned as much from him as nearly anyone -- and I've studied with Nobel Prize winners. He's been a great friend since. We've since met in Kuala Lumpur, Beijing, and often on the internet. I continue learning from him. I'm amazed and inspired how he keeps developing and producing. I mean to write about his book today, but you have to know a bit about him to…

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Choosing idealism in the face of contrary evidence of what works is a recipe for disaster

I posted the following in response to a bunch of articles I've read about a report co-authored by over a dozen science-related organizations describing how reducing funding for science has led to research and the benefits it brings to society leaving the U.S. --- The writing on the wall became apparent to me with the 1993 cancellation of the Superconducting Super Collider, when I was getting my PhD in physics. I didn't know the numbers for a cost-benefit analysis, but I couldn't then nor can I now see cancellation as helpful to the U.S. The U.S. would have stayed way…

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People join good projects and leave bad management

Today's post is about one of the most concise yet most meaningful sayings about the workplace I've heard: People join good projects and leave bad management. Besides the poignant humor nearly everyone feels when, on first hearing the phrase, they remember projects they enthusiastically joined only to find their optimism ruined by an intolerable relationship with a manager, it has meaning on many other levels. My goal in this post, as in this blog, is to help raise awareness about a problem and describe solutions. In this case also to publicize the phrase, which I consider useful and funny and…

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Silent Spring

I finished a book the other day I'd been meaning to read for at least a decade -- Silent Spring, by Rachel Carson, released in 1962. I posted a summary below. I also understood it influenced thought a lot. I had to speak to a few people who were adults when it came out to understand its impact at the time, which they assured me was colossal -- a common-sense bolt out of the blue from a humble woman who simply researched and compiled information anyone else could have. It seems, like Vietnam, one of the major turning points about…

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