How to lead your manager or boss

Nearly everyone I know wishes their boss or manager led better or at least differently. They act like they are powerless to motivate or influence their boss. Motivating and influencing your boss is one of the main things I work on with clients. It's also one of the most empowering things they experience. Yes, dealing with a hard-to-deal-with manager can be encouraging, not discouraging. I'll give a top-level overview of one technique to lead your manager to support you to do the work you want. With clients we practice the skills so they can practice and make mistakes with me…

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How to create a mentor

If you don't know the value of a mentor, you're missing out on a major way to improve your career and life. You can find elsewhere the benefits they bring, but I'll mention some I've gotten. You can learn from their mistakes They create connections for you They teach you They help you through difficult times Sometimes they do business with you, like investing in your companies You can name-drop knowing them and many more How do you make someone a mentor? Here's the simplest trick in the world that will turn someone you just know into a mentor that…

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Four reasons to see your colleagues as people first and places on organization charts second

Do you see your colleagues more as people or do you work and relate with them more based on their place on the organization chart? Over and over clients come to me with similar perspectives and challenges. Often they see their managers as people to please, whom they want to learn about but never do because they don't feel it their place to get to know him or her... as people they have to earn their place to work with. They see people who report to them as having to perform for them or to earn their places with them.…

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“How to Lead People So They Want You to Lead Them Again” — My January 18 Leadership Seminar in NYC

Want to motivate people more effectively? Come to my January 18 seminar, "How to Lead People So They Want You to Lead Them Again," with the Columbia Business School Alumni Club of New York, which will be held at NYU-Stern, conveniently located in Greenwich Village. Past attendees of this seminar rated it very highly. Below is the text from the CBSACNY announcement: Effective leaders motivate people from the inside – so people they lead contribute fully and thank the leader for giving them the opportunity to work with them. You can learn this skill too. Isn't someone thanking you for…

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The Self-Imposed Daily Challenging Healthy Activity (SIDCHA) series

I'm so swept up by SIDCHAs I made a series for them. Click here for the SIDCHA series. Do you want success or failure? Do you want to lead yourself or to follow others? Do you want a shot at greatness or mediocrity? Do you want resilience from feeling bad when things don't go your way or do you want your emotions to wreak havoc with you when things inevitably don't go your way? The Self-Imposed Daily Challenging Healthy Activity (SIDCHA) is the foundation for success, personal leadership, your shot at greatness, emotional resilience, and more. While a SIDCHA alone…

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An inspirational SIDCHA video

[This post is part of a series on the Self-Imposed Daily Challenging Healthy Activity (SIDCHA). If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] [It's also part of a series on Cold Showers. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view that series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] About twenty-five days into taking thirty days of cold showers I watched the following video by the guy whose blog motivated me…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: Two months in Tibet

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Two months in Tibet is a technique that complements accountability for the long-term part of leadership and personal development. It overcomes a major source of resistance for many people trying to change. Some background: One of the major sources of resistance when you try to change is other people. They know they old you. If they like…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: For changes to stick, change both beliefs and behavior

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] How do you start to plan? You've figured out a change you want to make in your life. How do you start to plan? You've always done X and now you want to stop it. Or maybe you've never done Y and you want to start. Or you want to do something differently. Coaching sessions with students…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: Assertiveness does not mean aggressive, domineering, or trying to influence

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] As an earlier post in this series mentioned, assertiveness ranks highly as a skill students at Columbia want to develop as part of their leadership training. Most recognize it as an important skill for leadership -- that if they don't assert themselves, instead of leading they'll end up being led by others who assert themselves more. Most…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: Common coaching topics

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] One of the challenges and joys of coaching is that each client is unique. Even similar issues show up in unique ways with each person. The job never gets boring. Still, you see trends, especially among students taking similar courses at similar stages in their lives, often with similar goals. So what do MBA candidates at a…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: Manage Expectations

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Do you ever have an amazing epiphany about a major change you will make in your life, or how you'll do it, and get excited about how awesome doing it will be? This happens a lot in coaching sessions, especially after their first 360-degree review and coaching session. They often have major realizations and make fantastic, far-reaching…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: Use your teammates

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Making change stick means practice and accountability. How do you find people to hold you accountable? The following advice works for everyone, not just business school students. I'll describe how it applies to your life after writing how I tell the students I do lightning coaching with. Leadership requires other people. Every time you work or do…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: Practice!

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] I mean practice in two senses here. The first is the more relevant one for the one-hour lightning coaching sessions -- as a coach, I try to find ways for my client to practice their new behavior during the session, all the more important in a lightning session when they won't have access to their coach again.…

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Coaching highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students: School protects you so you can try new things

[This post is part of a series on Coaching Highlights from coaching Columbia Business School students. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] Business schools and other vocational schools offer students something supremely valuable not everyone realizes. Everyone knows they give you knowledge, credibility, and a network. They also offer you protection from the outside world. You can do risky things in school that you might not do when your pay check or job depends on not messing up. In…

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Get leadership coaching like an Ivy League business school

I compiled a series of posts on experiences and lessons from coaching MBA students at Columbia Business School. Click here to read the series. Meanwhile, here's the introductory text: Do you want to improve your leadership skills? Does this describe you: Highly motivated? Limited time? Want to know top-5 business school culture (or just learn to lead like someone from one)? This series will help you. Columbia Business School provides a service to its students helpful to anyone — it has each MBA candidate take a 360-degree report and gives each a coach to help interpret the results and create…

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Annoyed by people you can’t avoid?

Do you have people you can't avoid that annoy you and want to handle them more effectively? Normally I think of this situation at work, but I'm sure it applies to some people with their families on Thanksgiving. I build on the following two principles and apply them to personal relationships: Great teams are built on strengths. Don't look for blame but take responsibility for improving things to the extent you can. You behave differently in different situations and with different people. So does everyone else. I think of it as everyone having facets -- different faces they show different…

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Coaching works.

I've been coaching clients one-on-one for a few years, as readers have noted from my references to clients. I've coached nearly a hundred clients by now, most of whom found me through word of mouth. I added a new coaching page to this site to help people find coaching with me. Why? My clients succeed. That’s why I love coaching. You can achieve more too. Because coaching works. I have a coach who helps me Identify my priorities Tell me how I look from an outside perspective (the one person you can't see from another person's perspective is yourself, the…

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The route to quality is through quantity

I read a story with a lesson for anyone who creates anything too helpful not to copy. As much as I didn't want to copy something you can find elsewhere, I couldn't stop myself. I hadn't read it before so I hope it's new to you. It's from a book called Art and Fear on creating art, but you'll find it useful for creating anything -- products, beliefs, rules to live by, ways to motivate yourself and others, or whatever. Enjoy: The ceramics teacher announced on opening day that he was dividing the class into two groups. All those on…

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You tell me what you do best. I’ll tell you what you do worst.

Today I'll cover an exercise I do in my seminar and when I address a group of professionals. You can do it while reading this post. It teaches you about Yourself Self-awareness Teamwork, especially team building I can cover it in a few minutes or can use it to discuss teamwork, self-awareness, and my experience for thirty-minutes or more. Introduction I start by telling the group "I'm going to ask you to tell me what you do best. Then I will tell you what you do worst." I say it provocatively to get a response and set expectations high. A…

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Daily models and beliefs that work

[Today's post is an alternative introduction to my series on beliefs and how to change them. It gives a different, more team-oriented approach.] A major tool of leadership is setting the common beliefs and models of your team. Some examples: The head of a corporation may decide that the company's highest priority is product quality when it used to be customer service. Or may decide it is a consumer electronics company instead of a business-to-business company. The coach of a sports team may decide the team is a defensive team where it used to be offensive and before that it…

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Managing difficult teammates, managers, employees, and people

We've all had to deal with difficult team members. Those who have led have had to deal with difficult people reporting to us. Most of us have had to deal with difficult managers and bosses. We've also had to deal with difficult people in general. When someone makes our jobs and lives difficult we want to influence them to stop challenging us and start helping us, or at least getting out of the way (and sometimes to be open to them influencing us, accepting that sometimes we are the difficult ones). When the difficult person is our manager or boss,…

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“Needs as understood”: How to start sales presentations — and conversations where you want to influence someone

I've written before about a student group from Columbia Business School I still contribute to long after graduation called InSITE that promotes entrepreneurship and connects students at several schools including Columbia, NYU, Harvard, and Stanford to entrepreneurs. A recent post on InSITE's blog by Lukasz Strozek, Stanford Business School 2014, described a challenge common in product development and entrepreneurship. It reminded me of a great solution I'll write below applicable to many situations where you want to influence people. The challenge Read that post for the details, but broadly it points out We care about products we create We want…

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A model for one of the most valuable skills related to beliefs

[This post is part of a series on “Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours.” If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] This series covered a lot about flexibility with your beliefs -- the ability to try out believing something new and letting the new belief crowd out the old one. Doing so is hard because believing means believing something is right. If you don't get it, changing beliefs is hard because you'll think it means believing what…

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A model and strategy to lead people so they appreciate and thank you for being led

[This post is part of a series on “Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours.” If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] Want to know a great way to lead people so they appreciate that you led them? Today's model and strategy show how. Often they'll thank you and look forward to being led again by you later. Note that it works when you and they both care about the goal. It may not work on projects that…

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A model to think deeper

[This post is part of a series on “Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours.” If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] Have you gotten to consider and tackle the important things in your life? Do some important issues still elude you? Do you still spend time in the unimportant parts of life? Or even when on the important parts, do the urgent fires take more of your time than you want? Urgency Importance Important, not urgent Important,…

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