“Want to eat more” and “tastes good” aren’t the same feeling

Do you notice the difference between something tasting good and something making you want to eat more of it? If you want to eat healthy, you'll care about the difference because companies that make junk food know the difference and use it to manipulate you. You end up spending money on unhealthy things that are profitable to them and you lose control of your eating habits. Most of the time these feelings overlap: a mango tastes good and when you have some you usually want more. But they don't always overlap. Eat too much mango and while the taste will…

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Personal development: take your training wheels off after you learn to ride

I coach and work with a lot of people with MBAs. A lot of people without too. They keep doing what school taught them for social and business interactions. It kills me. School teaches you the bare fundamentals. It gives you training wheels to practice new behaviors, if it even does that, since it mostly just teaches abstract skills. Training wheels are great for getting you on a bicycle but if you want to ride, you have to take them off. When you ride a bike without training wheels you have to tilt it to be stable even though that…

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People who succeeded despite adversity, part 4

  • Post category:Leadership

[This post is part of a series on people who succeed despite adversity. If you don't see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you'll get more value than reading just this post.] More inspiration, continuing my series on people who succeeded adversity... Person Achievement Adversity Auguste Rodin Generally considered the progenitor of modern sculpture, he is recognized as the most important sculptor of the modern era. He freed sculpture from the repetition of traditional patterns, providing the foundation for greater experimentation in the 20th century. His popularity is ascribed to his emotion-laden…

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Treat people like machines and they’ll work like crappy machines. Treat them like people and they’ll do their best

  • Post category:Leadership

Years ago computers were people. That is, before we built digital computers to compute for us, businesses and projects needing long computations would hire people to compute for them. They called those people computers. During World War II, the Manhattan Project to build the first atomic bomb had lots of hard calculations. The scientists would simplify them to simple but numerous and arduous basic calculations of addition, subtraction, and so on, which they'd give to teams of computers---often women since men were fighting. As you might expect, they made mistakes, being human, after all. Scientists had to estimate errors based…

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When and how polarizing helps

When you hear about polarization in leadership, what do you think? You think polarization is a problem, right? Do you think about how polarized politics silence moderate voices? ... about how leaders treating everything as black and white miss the nuances of your thoughts? ... about how you've learned to see things with nuance, which you consider more mature? ... about polarizing leaders whose divisiveness you don't like? Maybe not everyone thinks that way, but I just searched on polarization and leadership and every post (that wasn't about sunglasses) described polarization in leadership as a problem to overcome. I tend…

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People who succeeded despite adversity: the series

I can't stand people who give up too easily. I never want to be like them. People who overcome adversity to achieve greatness inspire me. They remind me I don't need external advantages to succeed. If they could do it, so can I. So when I hear of someone's greatness coming despite adversity, I take note of them and when I can I record them here---their names, achievements, and the adversity they overcame. They include some of the greatest achievers you can think of and their adversities far outweigh those of nearly everyone reading this page, meaning anything you might…

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How to get job offers without looking for a job

I got my last job without looking for it. Two of my NYU students followed my advice and got job offers without looking for them. It takes a while to explain how to do it, but once someone gets it, they get it. The technique doesn't get you job offers non-stop or on a predictable schedule, but it will lead you to get offers for jobs you like. Having the expectation helps when you have a job you don't like. Instead of wasting resources on looking for a new job, knowing one will come from this technique will make your…

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See the April 21 NYU panel on Women in Entrepreneurship video

Here is the video from April 21st's panel on women in entrepreneurship I posted about before. From the April 21, 2014 event announcement: Bridge at Wagner, NYU Special Interest Housing and NYU Entrepreneur's Network Present Women in Entrepreneurship Many entrepreneurs face similar challenges: getting the first round of funding, launching while in school, or avoiding burnout in the lean years before your business becomes profitable. While we often look for ways to solve these challenges, we rarely talk about how this experience is different for women. Join NYU Entrepreneurship Special Interest Housing, the NYU Entrepreneur's Network and Bridge at Wagner…

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How to make relationships last

What makes relationships last? What makes one person loyal to another? These questions apply to personal relationships as well as business. They happened to come up with a client on business and as we talked about it, the conversation covered more personal relationships, the way you like business conversations to become. In my experience, relationships may start with things like common interests, shared histories, common friends, and other things that attract someone to another, but what makes a relationship start doesn't necessarily make it endure. The same holds in business, where relationships may start based with the ability to make…

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Leadership, adulthood, responsibility, empathy, and consequences to one’s actions

  • Post category:Leadership

A client asked about what he considered a moral decision. As you know, leading others means people will follow you. You have to decide what you take responsibility for when people around you don't have your experience or skills. I gave the following advice, which my client said led him to reflect deeply on how he and everyone involved would feel---what I call with empathy and compassion. I treat all adults as adults who make choices for themselves. I don't find it healthy to take responsibility for any other adult's choices, nor to regard any other adult's choices as anything…

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How to win over a stadium of 20,000 angry African soccer fans

"You! You cannot do that here!" A voice in a stadium of 20,000 people told my friend he was breaking a rule. The man yelling pointed at my friend and sounded angry. A man next to the first saw what he was pointing at---my friend---and pointed and yelled he couldn't do that here too. Then another, another, and another. Soon a whole section was pointing at him, angrily yelling at him he couldn't do what he was doing. But what was he doing? My friend didn't understand what was going on. He and two of his friends had decided to…

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Binary thinking that ruins your life

Another coach emailed me about my posts about the bankrupt concepts of introversion and extroversion, which he described as That binary thinking you highlight is the bane of my working life! People who escape from that kind of thinking discover great freedom in their thoughts, which they usually use to create better lifestyles, relationships, thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. They also find great tools to lead others. People who don't escape from it tell you how wrong you are in thinking you don't have to be so miserable. Bizarre thinking, but that's what happens when you're stuck thinking that way. Anyway,…

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The problem with business books, and a solution

Why do you read business books? I've asked people that question lately and a common theme runs through their answers. They read business books to improve their performance. They read them to get this feeling, like when the read something like that mastery takes ten thousand hours of dedicated effort: "That's a useful piece of information [or technique]. Now that I know it I can use it to get ahead." That is, they read business books to change their behavior. Some people clarify that they read them to improve skills so they can lead others better, meaning to change others' behavior,…

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How to make your next performance review shine

Do you have performance reviews at work? Do you want your next one to look great? A great way to make that happen is to get your manager or whoever rates you on your side, motivating them to evaluate you more positively. How do you do that? First, recognize they benefit from you doing well. The better their reports do, the better they do. Even if you think your manager is out to get you, they still feel this motivation. It already exists. I've seen reports on people who tell me their bosses hated them, yet the reports still showed…

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Explore and expand your boundaries and those of people you lead

Exploring and expanding your boundaries and horizons creates freedom and comfort in your life. Doing so can be challenging---"getting out of your comfort zone," as many put it---but creates results and emotional reward. The more experience you have in it, the more you can lead others to do the same, creating freedom and comfort in their lives. I'll illustrate the process with some simple diagrams. I find visualizing would-be complex things simplifies them and makes them easier to do. First, consider a diagram of the things you do, as illustrated below. As I've illustrated it, the light-colored center is where…

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The value of low-level instruction

Between coaching, teaching, and seminars, I give a lot of exercises. People want to make big transitions and grow. Time and again, the biggest advances come from very low-level instruction---things like say these words in this order to this person, avoid using these words, or take only cold showers for a month. The lower the level of instruction, the higher the level of insight my clients and students get. That used to seem ironic to me until I got how experiential learning works (and lecturing doesn't). If you lead or manage people, I'm sure you'll see the relevance of keeping…

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Seminar testimonial: tears of gratitude from leading an employee so they want you to lead them again

An attendee from March's seminar “How to Lead People So They Want You to Lead Them Again”, wrote about her experience using the techniques of the seminar at her job---that is, leading employees so they want you to lead them again. She also has an MBA from Columbia and works at a prestigious firm. Josh, you may be interested to know I took out an Associate who will be working on my team and used your technique. She teared up, saying, no one ever asked her these questions and she is so grateful that I am taking an approach to…

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See an NYU panel on Women in Entrepreneurship April 21!

As the faculty advisor to NYU's special interest housing floor for entrepreneurship, I asked my residents what types of events they wanted. Among the responses was that they wanted exposure to women in entrepreneurship. I asked a friend if she would speak. She responded with several women who could speak. The entrepreneur in me seeing high demand and high supply knew there was opportunity in bringing them together. I followed up by speaking to some NYU student groups that all showed interest in building the event, community formed, and meeting the initial student request evolved into a major panel of…

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If they’re talking, you’re winning

An old saying in sales says that If they're talking, you're winning. The phrase says a lot and suggests effective strategies. (You have to forget how it implies the interaction has a winner and loser). How do you get someone talking a lot? The best way I know is to get them talking about what matters to them. What matters to them is what motivates them. If you're talking, you'll have a hard time getting them to share or understanding their needs.

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Bored at work? Looking for a new job means you’re probably looking in the wrong place

I saw this ad in the subway and confess it made me smile, but if you want to like your job more, I suggest it gives counterproductive advice and focuses your attention in the wrong place. The door was opening and I didn't have time to get all the text, but it reads If the best part of your day is taking a 20-minute break to throw birds at pigs, it might be time to find a new job. Clever and timely, but it focuses on your job as the source for your job satisfaction. A web site that benefits…

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Op/Ed Fridays: Bloomberg’s most infamous legacy?

This week I came across the news that The city of New York has agreed to pay $18m to settle a civil rights claim from hundreds of protesters who were rounded up and detained in overcrowded and dirty conditions after they rallied outside the 2004 Republican National Convention. For those who don't remember, the 2004 Republican National Convention in New York City, shortly after the Iraq Invasion, faced protests by hundreds of thousands of people---a sizable portion of American voters, certainly of voters near New York. According to the article, "Hundreds of thousands marched against Bush and the war in…

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A testimonial from “How to Lead People So They Want You to Lead Them Again”

Following up yesterday's testimonial, an attendee, Amy, from my seminar a week and a half ago, wrote about applying what she learned days after the seminar and seeing results. I really enjoyed the seminar - it gave me a great deal to think about (and apply). In fact, I am hiring an Associate for my team and approaching it entirely differently based on your framework. The interview I had recently in which I spent more of the time understanding his deep motivations was more enjoyable that interviews I've had in the past. Probing in the way you suggest - and…

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A testimonial from Harvard talk on Friday

An attendee, David, at Friday's talk at Harvard with GiveGetWin, spoke to me for a while before the event began and then after. He wrote the following Joshua’s talk at Harvard was wonderful. He masterfully dissected the process of decision-making and the influence it has on people’s lives. In less than 15 minutes he left me with enough to think about for a week. After the event we ended up speaking more and Joshua’s knowledge of etymology and his precise and knowledgeable demeanor blew me away. I couldn't help sharing it. The audience asked lots of questions and shared personal…

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How meditation helps

Interruptions distract you from your thoughts. How often you get interrupted determines how complex and developed your thoughts can be. If someone interrupts you every five seconds it's hard to think thoughts that take more than five minutes to develop. Someone interrupting you every ten minutes would let you develop more complex, longer-term thoughts. If you can only think short-term, you can only see short-term trends in your life, you can only address simple problems, and you can only see things superficially. You react more than you lead. Short-term thinking limits your ability to make sense of life, to plan…

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