“How to Break Rules and Succeed Like Kobe Bryant”

My Inc.com piece today, "How to Break Rules and Succeed Like Kobe Bryant," begins How to Break Rules and Succeed Like Kobe Bryant Kobe Bryant polarized and broke rules most of us can't, yet earned admiration and support. Why can some people break rules, yet get support? The LA Times called Kobe Bryant "the most polarizing figure in the history of L.A. sports." He spoke out against his team. He publicly quarreled with his teammate. These are transgressions that could end many people's career's, no matter how talented. Yet Kobe leaves the game admired and supported. Why can he break…

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Want to run leaner? Waste less. Literally: produce less waste.

The videos below aren't glamorous. They're about trash---regular household trash. Our world is swimming in garbage. The business world is obsessed with reducing waste and improving efficiency, but only for what it accounts for, which rarely includes actual physical waste, which taxpayers pay for carting away to landfills, where it slowly seeps out to the ecosphere. Most of us wish businesses were held accountable for other forms of waste, like pollution. How about you and your personal waste? Do you hold yourself accountable for your waste? Most people, when asked to account for their waste---how much they pollute---point out how…

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Speaking authentically, Martin Luther King, Muhammad Ali, and Vietnam

Few prominent Americans spoke as authentically as Martin Luther King. Still, even after winning a Nobel Peace Prize, he struggled to speak out publicly against the Vietnam War after he privately came to oppose it. Today I'm sharing how Muhammad Ali led Martin Luther King, despite not being a statesman or politician. On the contrary, he simply spoke authentically---that is, without the filter many people use to keep from saying things they might regret. Ali had no relevant credentials. He only spoke with conviction. Even then he spoke simply, with nowhere near the depth or breadth that King later did.…

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Leading Colonels, Majors, and other Officers In Charge

I had the chance to lead a leadership workshop at the United States Army Garrison Yongsan in Seoul, South Korea. This was my first chance to work with the military, though I felt particularly motivated after lunch with Frances Hesselbein last summer, who has worked with West Point and the White House for decades and holds many there in the highest regard, and after interacting with an NYU-based project with the New York Mayor's Office of Veterans Affairs to teach entrepreneurship to returning veterans. I was gratified to see the dedication among the troops and to interact directly with the…

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Sidchas when you’re tired and exhausted? Especially!

I can't tell you how exhausted I was when I got home yesterday. Traveling meant about five hours of sleep in the forty-eight leading to last evening's sleep. Telling a client about burpees and Sidchas recently, when I mentioned doing them when tired, drunk, or otherwise discouraged, he asked, "wait, you do them then too?", implying that for a long-term activity, you don't have to be a stickler for rules every time. After all, how much does one instance matter out of many? On the contrary, the value of the combination of the activity being self-imposed, challenging, and daily arises…

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Op/Ed Friday: How every politician and nation, now matter how belligerent, justifies its attacks

No politician or nation, no matter how belligerent, considers itself the attacker---not the most authoritarian dictator any more than the most democratically elected leader. One simple statement, used by nearly every one, summarizes the trick: We will not attack first, but if attacked, we will defend ourselves. Every leader says it their own way. Once the population believes it, they can feel justified in attacking, feeling and claiming innocence. Neither population has to believe the other, only their own leader. All both leaders have to do is point out any infraction from the other side, no matter how small, to…

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Op/Ed Friday: Acting against equality, part 2 of “Almost nobody is acting for equality, which is why we aren’t getting it”

A couple weeks ago I wrote about how almost nobody is acting for equality in "Op/Ed Friday: Almost nobody is acting for equality, which is why we aren't getting it." Many people talk about wanting equality. Many believe they are acting for it. That post describes how not many are, despite their belief. Since I write about leadership, I'm looking at the leadership results of people talking about one thing and doing another. Here is an example of a prominent figure, a former Member of Parliament of Norway, promoting inequality: "No to female conscription." In response to Norway involuntarily drafting…

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Why people like Donald Trump

One of the exercises my leadership students like most is the Authentic Voice exercise. I've written about it at least four times here, including examples from great masters of speaking in their authentic voice, like Muhammad Ali and Robin Williams. Communications skills exercises, part 10: Your Authentic Voice Your authentic voice The great masters of speaking with authentic voices Communications skills exercises, part 10b: another example of voicing your self-talk Most students in my full course are scared of the exercise before doing it but emerge transformed after a week of practicing it. They find it easier and more natural…

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What about Tiger Woods? Why was he pilloried?

After writing about bad boys, success, and discipline yesterday, you might ask, "What about Tiger Woods? Why was he pilloried? He is full of discipline. Why didn't society accept of him something many successful athletes do?" I'm no expert on public relations, but I see two main issues. First, the lesser issue. He doesn't have a bad boy reputation. His is clean cut and respectful, or looks that way to me. Charles Barkley throwing a guy through a bar window fits within his image as a physical player. By the time he did it, he had already done many similar…

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Lessons in leadership from Frances Hesselbein, part 1

"To serve is to live." Frances Hesselbein had the fastest, clearest, most direct, and most meaningful answer of anyone I remember asking her passion. Five minutes into our pre-lunch conversation and she went right to the point. Experience and, I believe, only experience enables people to encapsulate great meaning in a minimum of words. I was immediately struck by the power and meaning in these few short words: "to serve is to live." If you read her writings, you see these five words a lot, but they carry more meaning when she says them directly after you ask her passion.…

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July 4, 1939: “I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth”

Lou Gehrig was one of the greatest athletes of the twentieth century. He died in his prime from the disease often named after him. On July 4, 1939, he gave his retirement speech, which I copied below. Some career highlights from Wikipedia: He was an All-Star seven consecutive times, a Triple Crown winner once, an American League (AL) Most Valuable Player twice, and a member of six World Series champion teams. He had a lifetime .340 batting average, .632 slugging average, and a .447 on base average. He hit 493 home runs and had 1,995 runs batted in (RBI). He…

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Have you striven for excellence?

Have you put everything you had into something? Have you tried as hard as you possibly could? Have you run until you dropped? Skied as fast as you possibly could, risking injury? Decided to lift a weight you couldn't conceive of lifting and done it? Have you run sprints in the rain, alone? Have you put your name and reputation on the line for all time? Have you said no to things anyone would say yes to because the sacrifice was worth it? Have you doubted everything you thought was right because your experience taught you things school never could…

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The progression of performance-based skills

Any performance-based skill development follows a similar pattern. I'll describe it for playing guitar, but it follows for leading, acting, sports, any other musical instrument, singing, etc. The instrument: First you have to learn the instrument. If you don't know its parts and how it's assembled, you can't do anything with it. Your skill: Next you have to learn how to move your fingers. You can't play music until you know scales or chords. The music: Only when you can take for granted how to move your fingers without thinking about them can you play music. Your feelings: Only when…

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Why the rules of government prevent people who want to govern from doing what they want

The more I work with leaders and leadership, the more I distinguish between The skills to lead and The authority to coerce people to comply The more I look at concentrations of authority---mainly titled positions in corporations and government---the more I see people interested in the second who aren't interested in the first. I used to think the main purpose of the Constitution was to describe how to run the government. I'm increasingly seeing it as a way to prevent people looking for authority from getting what they want and limiting them when they do. I learned in grade school…

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The great masters of speaking with authentic voices

Following up yesterday's post's exercise for how to speak authentically, I wanted to give a couple more examples illustrating mastery of speaking authentically. People who speak authentically can say things others can't, meaning they have more freedom. We respect them not for their technical mastery of some craft but that they speak without that. A great master today is Charles Barkley, whom I wrote about the other day. He's famous for speaking about race, sex, class, and other topics many people lose their jobs for, yet people don't condemn him. They recognize he's sharing something about himself, not imposing his…

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Freedom, from speech

You have opinions about race, sex, homosexuality, class, politics, and other controversial topics. You probably only talk about them with people closest to you. Most of us won't touch them with a ten-foot pole, knowing how one public statement can destroy a life. We believe we don't have that freedom. If you don't believe you have it, you can't do it. How about talking about them to the media for twenty years and being loved for it. That's freedom. This article about Charles Barkley described him as Off the court, where he spun quotes and welcomed controversy, Barkley was arguably…

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Mental models and beliefs: an exercise to identify yours

[EDIT February 2020: I gathered, edited, and compiled all the posts I listed below into my book ReModel, which I recommend if you prefer a more curated experience with less clicking. Either way, I recommend doing the exercise. It gives a new way of seeing the world that costs nothing and takes little time.] This series covers my doing my Write Your Beliefs exercise, which I've found one of the more valuable self-awareness exercises that my clients, my students, and I have done. It builds on the Inner Monologue exercise, which I also call "The most effective self-awareness exercise I…

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Malcolm X speaking

This year for Martin Luther King day I listened to two recordings of Malcolm X speaking, posted by WNYC in "Remembering Malcolm X: Rare Interviews and Audio." I recommend listening. People accuse him of racism and inciting violence, but to hear him speak and to hear people who knew him speak about him, it's hard not to feel those critics missed the essence of what he said, and that they neglected to criticize the people and institutions he criticized, which were, and remain, racist and violent. He spoke so clearly and plainly about subjects so few people do, I can't…

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Op/Ed Fridays: Serpico on cops today

News of shootings, grand juries, protests, and more involving race, class, and gender are making front-page news like they haven't in decades. I try to stick to posting original perspectives and ideas, but sometimes I find something relevant I feel compelled to link to. Frank Serpico, the real-life cop Al Pacino played in the movie Serpico, wrote a piece "The Police Are Still Out of Control, I should know," I found relevant from someone with a valuable, unique, and credible perspective. He had the integrity to try to reform the corruption in a system he cared about, taking a bullet…

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Risks in relationships, rock-climbing, and ratcheting

Imagine rock climbing a vertical cliff. You don't want to get hurt so you use a rope to catch you if you fall. You regularly loop the rope through something attached to the face. I think they call it anchoring, so I'll call it anchoring too. How you anchor affects how you climb. If you just anchored yourself, your rope would effectively be attached right there, so if you let go or lost your grip you wouldn't fall. You're safe, assuming you used effective safety equipment. If you climbed two feet up from that anchor, your rope would be attached…

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Eisenhower on deciding, resolving conflict, and uniting a divided team

People often ask me about resolving conflicts and how to handle them as a leader. This clip shows Eisenhower, played by Tom Selleck, handling a conflict two days before D-Day. It's dramatized, but not so much that we can't learn from it. Context Eisenhower and his team have been planning the Normandy invasion for months. They want to launch in the next couple days, but two major unknowns split to leaders on one aspect. The unknowns are the weather and the German army's preparations. The decision is whether to drop the elite paratroopers and gliders behind enemy lines the night…

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Handling leadership issues when you don’t have authority, follow-up

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about a group I'm in with a leadership vacuum, "How to handle leadership issues when you don’t have authority." Several people in that group wrote with appreciation for the message in that post. None wrote to say they had problems with it, though the person with authority did push back slightly. Then after an anonymous comment from an attendee of one of my seminars pointed out nearly all my examples of inspirational speeches came from men, I researched tons of speeches by women. One of them turned out related to my group's leadership vacuum,…

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High status and living by your own rules: Jack Nicholson at the U.S. Open

A friend who grew up in Queens and became the senior ball boy at the U.S. Open told me a story about his friend who worked there too. One day he was working at the door to the U.S. Open's VIP room enforcing the jacket-and-tie dress code. Jack Nicholson came by and started walking into the room wearing shorts and a t-shirt. My friend's friend, following the rules, in a nervous high school student voice, said "I'm sorry Mr. Nicholson. There is a dress code and I'm afraid I have to ask you to follow it." With a polite laugh,…

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Why is “know thyself” hard?

Why is "know thyself" hard? You'd think you'd know yourself better than anything. Here's a major reason why: because almost everyone in the world benefits from you not knowing yourself. Because organizations mediate your interactions with everyone in the world except the dozen or so people closest to you and nearly all organizations benefit from you not knowing yourself. They benefit from manipulating you. Don't believe me? Think of the most influential organizations in the world---governments, religions, corporations, schools, etc. Each says it's right or the best or something like that and all others should be more like it. These claims…

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Binary thinking that ruins your life

Another coach emailed me about my posts about the bankrupt concepts of introversion and extroversion, which he described as That binary thinking you highlight is the bane of my working life! People who escape from that kind of thinking discover great freedom in their thoughts, which they usually use to create better lifestyles, relationships, thoughts, beliefs, and emotions. They also find great tools to lead others. People who don't escape from it tell you how wrong you are in thinking you don't have to be so miserable. Bizarre thinking, but that's what happens when you're stuck thinking that way. Anyway,…

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