When someone says “America is losing ground to China or India,” watch your wallet

Politicians tell you America is "losing ground" to other countries all the time. A search on "America is losing ground to China India" returns tons of results, many fear-mongering. This language comes from a misguided belief that business and trade are zero-sum competitions, that if someone elsewhere gets a deal then you lost it. If you want votes and don't mind sowing fear, anxiety, and xenophobia, great. But people succeeding elsewhere doesn't have to mean you are losing. On the contrary, you could see people succeeding elsewhere as increased opportunity for more business and trade. In other words, people always…

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Why people like Donald Trump

One of the exercises my leadership students like most is the Authentic Voice exercise. I've written about it at least four times here, including examples from great masters of speaking in their authentic voice, like Muhammad Ali and Robin Williams. Communications skills exercises, part 10: Your Authentic Voice Your authentic voice The great masters of speaking with authentic voices Communications skills exercises, part 10b: another example of voicing your self-talk Most students in my full course are scared of the exercise before doing it but emerge transformed after a week of practicing it. They find it easier and more natural…

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Everyone is positive (from their perspective)

I heard yet another person saying "I don't have time for negative people. I'm a positive person. I can't let them bring me down." Oh, how perfect they sound! High and mighty! He blithely and ironically didn't notice the negative start to what he said, "I don't have time for..." Sometimes they'll outright say so-and-so is a negative person. People who talk about others being negative are judging others by their values---the opposite of compassion, empathy, and understanding. To make themselves look better at others' expense, no less. People may disagree with you and negate your beliefs, but that doesn't…

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What about Tiger Woods? Why was he pilloried?

After writing about bad boys, success, and discipline yesterday, you might ask, "What about Tiger Woods? Why was he pilloried? He is full of discipline. Why didn't society accept of him something many successful athletes do?" I'm no expert on public relations, but I see two main issues. First, the lesser issue. He doesn't have a bad boy reputation. His is clean cut and respectful, or looks that way to me. Charles Barkley throwing a guy through a bar window fits within his image as a physical player. By the time he did it, he had already done many similar…

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Leadership lessons from Frances Hesselbein, part 5/5

"What do I say to a 99-year-old woman?" "What do I say to a famous person?" "What do I say to someone who could help my career without seeming selfish?" All I could think to ask was what it's like to be 99, which seemed irrelevant and the same question people have asked her for a decade. I don't like when people find out I don't eat meat and ask me where I get my protein. Again? How unimaginative and boring. Do they not realize how many people ask the same question? I'm sure people ask you similar annoying questions.…

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Lessons in leadership from Frances Hesselbein, part 2

Frances invited me to her office. The first day I went, I approached the front desk. The security guy was friendly. As he processed my ID he said, "Oh yeah, Frances gets big visitors. Sometimes Generals come in. Four stars, ones from TV. They all have to wait for her." Impressive! Her office is in a big Park Avenue high-rise office building in the 50s. The lobby had fifty-foot ceilings, or something really high, and clear glass walls looking out on Park Avenue. Her executive assistant came down to tell me that there was nothing serious, but Frances had to…

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“To convince” means “to provoke debate” and rarely works

Talk about leading people and a lot of people will talk to you about convincing people as a way of leading them. I recommend against this strategy. Convincing someone implies logically debating. Changing someone's behavior means changing their motivations, which means changing their emotions. Logical argument evokes emotions of debate. Convincing motivates people to disagree. They also feel like you're trying to impose your values on them. If you disagree with me right now, your own emotional reaction is illustrating the point! In other words: I will convince you that trying to convince people provokes disagreement. Either you agree with…

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Non-judgmental Ethics Sunday: Is It Wrong If a Friend Sells My Hand-Me-Downs?

Continuing my series of alternative responses to the New York Times column, The Ethicists, looking at the consequences of one’s actions instead of imposing values on others, here is my take on today’s post, “Is It Wrong If a Friend Sells My Hand-Me-Downs?" I have two small children and am frequently divesting our household of toys, clothes and other child supplies. I sell the larger items, but I typically give the smaller items away to a neighborhood parent or leave them in a box in front of my house to be taken for free. A friend on my block recently…

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More ineffable truth and beauty of regular life

The subtlety and nuance of ordinary life has more than enough to compel it without all the drama that most TV and movies add. Even sitting still for ten minutes is more excitement than most people can handle. The scene below from Girl With a Pearl Earing puts more intimacy, vulnerability, and sexuality into the slightest movement of a hand. The sensuality of mixing paints, the eye contact, and the gasp help, but just the touch is a lot. I don't think you need to see the rest of the movie, though it contributes. https://joshuaspodek.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/girl_with_pearl_earring_clip.ogv More overt movies wish they…

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How media represent and misrepresent leadership: A reader’s questions

A reader asked for follow-up on how media shows leadership, following three posts from a couple weeks ago---This is not leadership. It makes people think it is and that’s part of why we have poor leaders, part 1; part 2; part 3; and Learning about relationships ruins most movies and TV. Before the questions, I don't want to overstate what I know about relationships and how media shows them, so I have to start by saying I'm just sharing views from casual viewing, not a systematic study. I'm not trying to convince, just to share my views. I'm happy to…

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Learning about relationships ruins most movies and TV

My pasts three posts were about how media misrepresents leadership like juvenile fantasies of beating people who disagree with you. If you don't know how to lead, you might enjoy the drama of the misrepresentations, but you risk retarding your growth. It's deeper than just leadership. Movies and TV dramatize and misrepresent nearly all relationships. The more I learn about relationships... Well, for one thing the more my life improves. But the more I learn about relationships, the more those I see in movies and television seem twisted into what will hook people into watching more. TV shows and movies…

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This is not leadership. It makes people think it is and that’s part of why we have poor leaders, part 3

"Just do what I say." "Do it now." "John, do X. Sally, do Y. I'll do Z. Then we'll met and put everything together." Wouldn't leadership be easy if we could tell everyone what to do and they'd do it? It never seems to work like that, though, does it? Most people understand that problems come up. They don't always realize that command-and-control leadership often discourages people from working with would-be leaders who work with it. Why do people still order people around? I think one reason is how much popular media show leaders working with it. It's simple and…

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This is not leadership. It makes people think it is and that’s part of why we have poor leaders, part 1

"You don't understand me!" "I wish I'd never been born!" Who hasn't yelled something like that at their parents? I'm sure I did. I argued with my parents like all kids. I've grown since then and don't argue like that any more. I still disagree, I just try more to seek understanding, not to confront so adversarially. I was just in a line and overheard two workers argue. They weren't yelling, but they weren't getting anywhere near resolving their conflict. They were adults but as best I could tell hadn't grown past a juvenile way of dramatizing conflict, trying to…

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“You’re too f-ing cheap to by my book?!”

My professor cursed: "You're too fucking cheap to buy my book?!" This was an Ivy League business school. I was stunned. Class just ended and I was asking him a question, as students do. Other students probably heard as they packed their bags and left the room. He had assigned his own book for the class. A couple weeks before, the bookstore clerk told me the book would come out soon in paperback and that I could save money if I waited. The cursing came in response to my telling him this, and that I was using the library copy…

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How to make a phone call with someone you don’t know but want to help you

[This post is part of a series on Communication Skills Exercises for Business and Life. If you don’t see a Table of Contents to the left, click here to view the series, where you’ll get more value than reading just this post.] I just got off the phone with a client who was preparing for a call with someone important to help her. She was nervous because of his status and not sure how to make the call work. She typically would talk too much about herself, which didn't get the results she wanted of the other person wanting to…

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We interpret leaders gloriously leading the charge backward today

Today's world presents leaders leading a group of people like a king or glorious leader, like Mel Gibson in Braveheart. It inspires people to seek that glorious position where they feel people look up to them. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdlL65LD6I4 We misunderstand that view, the more I think about it. When armies went into battle then, the first person charging took the biggest risk. He made himself most vulnerable to attack, risking his life. It made sense for people to see him as a hero. Once he charged into battle, others could follow him, now safer. He supported them. Today, leaders don't take…

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How to get a mentor in two easy steps that work

I trust you know the value of a mentor. I'll take for granted you also know how to create a connection with someone. If not, read my Meaningful Connection exercise and my social skills exercise series. So I'll start at a point where you have at least a rudimentary dialog with someone whose mentorship will help you. Step 1: Ask them for advice Ask them for advice on something that matters to both of you. After enough time passes for you to act on the advice, go to step 2. It helps if you act on the advice, but not…

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