Yesterday I asked readers for their ideas of the opposite of leadership. Christmas is probably not the best time to ask for feedback, but a reader suggested the following Reacting or doing something without awareness, like why one is really doing it and what its effects could be. Looking at one aspect of something and thinking it's the entire picture. Allowing others to confuse or intimidate me into adopting their values or giving up mine. Doing something because it's supposed to be the good or right thing to do. Not expressing oneself, not expecting others to understand what you've got…

What do you think the opposite of leading is? I think most people would reflexively say following, but since both leaders and followers are trying to achieve the same goal, I don't think they're opposites. More like complements. I have an idea or two that I think tell a lot about leadership. I'm curious what my readers might think, so before I share what I'm thinking, I invite readers to think about it and share their thoughts on what you think the opposite of leadership is and why. I bet thinking about it will help you improve your skills or…

Nearly everyone I coach wants help handling someone difficult, usually a boss, someone who reports to them, or spouse. When I ask my client why the difficult person behaves how they do, they answer how everyone does: they tell me how the person annoys them. But describing their behavior doesn't say why they do it. What they do is the result of their motivation. It's like describing the noise a car that needs repair makes. If you have a problem with someone, you want to change something---their behavior, your reaction, or both, but always emotions. If you want to influence…

If you want to lead people, letting them act on their existing motivations will motivate them a lot more than not recognizing those motivations. If that motivation builds in caring about others' interests, all the more effective. A lot of people look down on others who do things for personal recognition, applause, glory, and things like that. "You should do it because it's good, that's all," they say. Often they don't say it, they just think it. People who think this way miss a major aspect of people's motivations. People like recognition for their work too. It makes a lot…

You can learn to recover from mistakes. I don't think you can do everything perfect. Maybe you can on solo projects but not when your project involves other people with conflicting values. While I do things the best I can, I don't kid myself to think I can do them perfectly from everyone's perspective. Having the goal sets you up to find failure where you don't have to. When you own up to shortcomings or unresolved conflict, people see you as more approachable, which helps if you want to lead or influence them. Fixing your mistakes and handling fallout from…

"Working here sucks." "My boss is incompetent." "No one there knows what they're doing." I hear comments like these all the time from frustrated people. The more I coach, the more I see them indicate incredible opportunities. I see them as leadership vacuums---situations where no one is leading effectively but that lack leadership. People without skills to act effectively get frustrated, angry, impatient, etc and the more they feel powerless the more intense their emotions get. For people with skills, these situations are opportunities to act as the leader the project needs. People with those skills recognize other people's titles…